I can't walk-through walls, I can't fly, but I can kick your ass.

Burdens up on my shoulders never really feel lighter, I have responsibilities but not as much as the popular people have, luckily. No, what I have are just emotional stress acting on me. I can't seem to let go of absolutely anything that happens in my life. I go jealous fast and I do mean fast, the green eyed devil looms over me a quick fast as lightning strikes. You see, the girl I like (still) don't like me and I can't seem to get over it. It makes me feel so sad that I've been thinking way too much but I promised myself i wouldn't drink alcohol anymore, so I'm fcking sober and can't just get a hang-over as I will.

I'm very serious now, I was serious. I meant every word that came out of me, to her. I swear to God that I have and yet this feels like a stupid futile attempt by me to court her. But I can't lie to my heart to say I don't love her when I seriously do. I don't know if she acknowledges this, but I just can't get through one day without thinking of her. I'd spend the rest of my life with her, by choice. But that doesn't really favor me, she doesn't like me or even have a slight affection for me and I'm left all alone to ponder what is in stored.

Friends, they just seem so far away whenever or wherever I seem to be. They won't find me, call me or sms me. Heck, i don't even know if I'm considered a friend. What am I? A tool shed? Well, I came to a conclusion that I am so, and guess what, I give up. No more free fcking teaching to all of you c*ck suckling morons anymore. This is it, I won't waste my precious time for you d!cks anymore. Everything I had done, for all of you, you all never cared, fcking appreciated, because I was always a tool. No more, that's fcking it.

I hope that one day I'll find those who are my real friends, those who would actually care for me, I have a few now, they listen to me, consul me and won't give up on me even as I break down into tears. They're there for me, I'll do the same for them. But for my so-called friends, well they can just go get their asses kicked when their results come back. I hope you all fcking fail. Yeah I know, I'm evil, but what you did to me before hand, the way you fcking manipulated me, used me, you don't deserve anything from me.

Its Been Awhile

So yeah, its been heck of a long time since my last post, but I ain't giving this up just yet. I have returned to my sanctuary, writing on a page and just not caring for what or literally who sees them.

What are the odds in life? You see someone and instantly your heart melts like a chocolate fudge on a hot summer morning.

TONS. You experience this lots and lots of times, well, until you grow old of it and just wonder if once, you will meet that single person in your life that you will love and be loved back. I believe in that, I really hope that I will find that person. I like someone now, the same person that I liked last year, but she says she doesn't feel what I feel for her.

Tragic. Its a shame that happened, I really hoped that she would at least have a tiny bit of feeling for me. I can't get over it, I simply can't.

I see other people being in relationships, they're happy. Why can't I be like them? Am I doing something wrong?

As the days go on I feel smaller and smaller and smaller, the world is opening up to me but I can't reach the velvet skies up above my head. Its like everyone is using me, nobody really cares for me.

I'm being honest here, I'm smart, okay, better than mostly a lot of people, but I'm not the best, just above the ranks. And I'm someone who can't stand seeing people I know in trouble, I have to help them. I'm not boasting but I'm just too easy to be manipulated. I taught in the library last year, because I wanted everyone to get the marks they wanted, everyone I could help I did, I swear I really did.

But I am not a saint, I'm only human. I want something in return, I know its selfish but this is only where I can tell my feelings out. I want to have friends, real friends. I don't want them who would only be my friend because I can teach them. I want to have friends that love me for who I am, not what I'm capable of doing. Someone told me she and her friends loved me cause I am the person I am. I'm skeptical, why won't they find me, sms me, call me?

WHY???

In addition to my worries of no friends, I can't even find someone to love or like. The girl I like don't like me, I feel its unfair to me. I did so much for her and yet, there's no feeling coming from her. Its like I'm a tool to be used by all.

I'm human only, I'm not a sick utility closet for everyone to use. I had God-damn feelings! I don't just study my fcking ass off, that's not how I earn my grades. I am just like all of you, I think.

As a boy, I cry, I listen to Owl City, I enjoy a midnight stroll along a quiet shore with only the waves by my side, I hate football and all other things that boys like oh so much, I spend most of my time being alone at home, I wish for THEM to find me but they wouldn't. So much for man-hood, I really wonder if I'm some kind of freak show.

They say everyone likes me, I don't feel that. I seriously don't. No one cares, unless I tell them to. And that's just wrong, I won't do that.

I guess I'll wait, but I hope that I will see the day that my dreams will be fulfilled. A happy life, friends that care, someone that loves me for me, someone that I love cause she makes me- me.




She never knew I wanted to give her this, and she never will.